March 28th, 2009

A Fairy Tale

Just found this from a random blog and thought you ladies might enjoy. Sorry if its already been posted/not allowed to post stuff like this here:

------------------
There's a beautiful princess trapped in a castle watched by a dragon. Here's the end of the story with different types of metalheads as knights.

POWER METAL:
The knight arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess, makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

FOLK METAL:
The knight arrives with some friends playing accordions, violins and flutes. the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing), then they all leave.... without the princess.

DOOM METAL:
The knight arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide... the dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story.

THRASH METAL:
The knight arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess, fucks her, then drinks a beer.

DEATH METAL:
The knight arrives, kills the dragon, kills the princess, then fucks
her and leaves.

GORE METAL:
The knight arrives, feeds the princess to the dragon, fucks the half that isnt eaten, kills the dragon,frolics in its blood and guts then ejaculates on the remains.

VIKING METAL:
The knight arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his migthy axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

BLACK METAL:
The knight arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle, then sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

HEAVY METAL:
The knight arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess.

PROGRESSIVE METAL:
The knight arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. the dragon kills himself out of boredom. the protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year at the conservatory. the princess escapes looking for the "HEAVY METAL" Knight.

GLAM METAL:
The knight arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. he steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle hot pink.